Archive for the ‘Mediation’ Category

Do I need Marriage Closure Therapy?

By Susan Bulfinch J.D.

In the Collaborative Divorce process you have the benefit of a team of knowledgeable professionals who work closely with you and your spouse to negotiate and reach agreement on all issues incident to divorce from the legal, financial and emotional perspective.   

Communication coaches help you respond appropriately to any emotional triggers experienced during the process.  They will help you understand what parenting plan may be best for your children given their ages and the level of conflict between you.  And, your collaborative attorneys will educate you about your legal rights and help you negotiate with your spouse an agreement that addresses division of property and amount and duration of support.  Certified Financial Divorce Specialists help understand and make decisions regarding finances.   And, collaborative mediators may be used to help with your communication and problem solving.

How do you resolve the relationship between you and your spouse?  Or, do you?

It’s important to recognize that both of you are striving for control—control over money, over children, over property, over yourselves.  Divorcing couples, no matter how well intentioned or how cooperative they may appear, must make personal adjustments as they transition from pre to post divorce.  The personal transition piece can be especially difficult where there is lingering resentment, where one of you may not want the divorce, when there is great sadness, or when you are angry and that anger is expressed, or, simply, you are just ambivalent about the whole idea of ending the marriage.  

Marriage Closure Therapy is a type of therapeutic intervention that assists couples in their transition pre and post divorce and may be especially effective for couples who have not make up their minds about their relationship and are not at peace with the decision to stay together or to divorce.  The external goal of this therapy is to bring closure to the relationship through reconciliation or through dissolution.  The internal goals may be co-parenting, facilitating grief, establishing clear boundaries and easing the hurt of the spouse that seems most hurt.   Instead of seeing marriage as a failure, this type of therapy allows each spouse to learn how to take responsibility for the decision to get married, understand each other’s contribution to the dissolution and experience a catharsis of emotions.   Feelings such as sadness about losing the dream of living happily ever after or anger at losing the relationship with extended family members or in-laws or loss of a lifestyle may be expressed.* 

For those who practice mediation or work as collaborative mediators in the Collaborative Divorce process, having an understanding and appreciation of marriage closure therapy is important.  It can be added to the “mediator’s toolbox” when a spouse is withdrawn or unable to focus on the issues at hand.  It is an opportunity to explore the marital relationship or to bring closure to the marriage with understanding and dignity.  Then, the couple may be prepared to engage in productive settlement discussions with their collaborative team of professionals.       

*For more information, go to “Marriage Closure Therapy:  Tips for Family Mediators

What is Collaborative Mediation?

By Pamela Donison, J.D.

Trends come and go, what was hot a week ago is now passé, and things evolve.

More and more, I’m seeing a trend towards Collaborative Mediation and it’s client-driven.  In this post I will define Collaborative Mediation and provide some examples so you can determine if it’s right for you.

The only constant is change, which is why I was not surprised to spot this mediation trend among my collaborative colleagues and clients.  The “law” of collaborative work is that it fundamentally requires two attorneys who agree not to litigate.  While the International Association of Collaborative Professionals has not changed their guideline, it seems to be morphing in real life.

IACP defines Collaborative Mediation as:
Collaborative Mediation – Collaborative mediation is a style of mediation where two or more people are encouraged to work toward resolution in a transparent and peaceful manner. The goal is to support the parties to unfold the issues and create fair agreements that will stand the test of time.

Collaborative Mediation is an offshoot of Collaborative Practice in that it uses the “team” vernacular and litigation is off the table.  Some collaborative practice groups (Arizona Collaborative Colleagues included) began incorporating the role of mediator into their collaborative teams as a way to overcome impasse on distinct issues.  For example, the professionals and clients might be unable to resolve a division of business assets, so they would call in a mediator to help tease out a solution. Generally, the role of the mediator in a classic Collaborative Divorce is finite and limited to problem-solving on specific issues (versus global settlement) and the mediator is not with the team for the duration of the case.


  • Collaborative Mediation requires a collaboratively-trained neutral — the mediator.  The value of collaborative training for this role is that it prepares the mediator to work as part of a team, to understand and communicate with other professionals and the clients in a collaborative “voice”, and to enhance dispute resolution skills.
  • Collaborative Mediation requires two clients who have committed not to litigate their case.  This is a standard requirement in Collaborative Divorce, but is not the norm in mediation.  In fact, one of the safeguards of mediation has been that if it all falls apart, you can always litigate.  Not so in Collaborative Mediation because the primary intent is to avoid litigation.  A Collaborative Mediation Participation Agreement outlines this requirement.
  • Collaborative Mediation allows other collaborative divorce professionals to be on the team.  While some mediators employ the advantage of other professionals, rarely do they do so as a team approach. In Collaborative Mediation, you will have the same transparency and communication between team members as you would in a typical Collaborative Divorce.

This Collaborative Mediation approach still employs respectful, transparent communications and uses the strength of various professionals.  You can think of it as having a Family Practice Doctor (aka the Collaborative Mediator), who refers you to a radiologist, physical therapist, and lab technician as necessary to help you both make good decisions about your healthcare.

Let’s meet Bob and Barb, who want a Collaborative Mediation for their divorce.  They have selected a Collaborative Mediator who is also an attorney.  Bob and Barb do not have minor children and are good communicators, but are baffled by how to divide their assets and debts in the most optimal way.  By using a Financial Specialist, along with their Collaborative Mediator, Bob and Barb get the assistance they need to make smart decisions.  Both the Financial Specialist and their Collaborative Mediator are neutrals, so when Bob and Barb have constructed their agreements, they are encouraged to engage Collaborative Attorneys to review and explain their divorce decree documents.

John and Janet are another couple who want a Collaborative Divorce and have selected a Family Specialist as their Collaborative Mediator.  John and Janet have two children and are having trouble communicating about parenting issues.  They have worked out a financial agreement on their own.  In this case, the Collaborative Mediator can assist in facilitating communication and problem-solving, but John and Janet may also need to engage a Child Specialist to help them construct a sustainable parenting plan.  When they have come up with their agreements, John and Janet will engage Collaborative Attorneys to draft and file their final decree documents.

Carl and Connie have agreed to try Collaborative Mediation, but can’t agree on other professionals to use on their team.  Their Collaborative Mediator is also an attorney, and she suggests that they do some issue-spotting to find out where they need professional assistance.  As it turns out, these savvy clients have done a lot of research and work on their own, and come to the process well-equipped to brainstorm agreements. Since Carl and Connie are good communicators and are financially sound, they agree to engage a realtor as part of their team to sell their business property holdings.

These are just three examples of a myriad of combinations of professionals that can make up a Collaborative Mediation team.  If you think this approach would work for your divorce, give us a call!

Choose Collaboration ~ it’s sustainable!